Seriously....this stuff ain't for the weak of heart

Wow, do I know how to title a blog post or what?

Let me paint a picture of the last week.......

• 3 out of 5 Runner's got a stomach bug (I know, it wasn't all of us and for that I am GRATEFUL!)
• Last night I met a little girl that made me realize a few things....more on that later.....
• I am reading this book by Jen Hatmaker.....7....yeah, um....if you don't have it - I can't sugar coat it for you, I believe with everything in me - you should.  I promise you will laugh out loud one minute and then next - throw the book and tell her to get out of your business and to stop meddling because you got a good thing going.  
• I am going to leave you a video that was up on my iPad the other night when I came home.....yeah, I got nothing....blessings to you my friend......I will leave it at the end - where it should be.....

Okay, back to that little girl that made me realize a few things.......I met this sweet little girl with the biggest smile you have ever seen.  She came to a family whom I adore, as a foster child.  See here is where I come clean you all.....here is where you see how completely lacking I am........

Remember all 80 some blog posts that I talk about how God changed my families heart for the fatherless.....well it was all true, so please hear that.  I MEAN it.  He changed us, changed us forever and for that I am so grateful.  I love that little girl that hugs me, rubs my hair and calls me momma more than I could ever imagine or explain........no lie. I could just eat her - she's so cute!  (figuratively not literally) :)  

I hear about foster care, I have friends that are social workers (who paint a very clear picture for me) the picture in my mind was scary..........I was thinking of what it would cost me....what if I get attached?  what if there are kids in and out of my house?  what if? what if? what if?  

How about these what if's.....what if there is no where to go?  what if there are not people that will step out in faith?  what happens when I put me above a child in need?  Geez louise!  I'm a grown woman...okay, I get attached to a child and they leave.  They go home to a biological parent or relative....Really?  I won't open my heart or my home cause I don't want to be sad!  My family will survive.....we will continue to live...and we can be grateful that for whatever reason God placed a child in our home it was because that is where they needed to be......

Here I am telling people don't be afraid of my lil' Ethiopian princess and to be honest not even comprehending or understanding when they were...............and well.....Hello, pot meet kettle! 

I do believe with everything in me that not everyone is called to the same thing and my heart is very deeply engrained with Ethiopia.  I love it.  I love the country, the people, the smells, the food......I want nothing more than to go back...... but last night I couldn't escape the brutal fact that this girl needed a home and my friends opened theirs....they don't know what tomorrow holds but they trust and love nonetheless.  People these are kids that may be living a few miles up the road!!!!!  

Then I come home open the iPad to escape.  To read Facebook.  To mindlessly go through Pintrest and this what is there.....Really?  

It's just a few minutes, I would encourage you to try to watch it - if you make it through - I understand when you defriend me on FB or no longer stop to talk to me at Wal-mart - heck I don't even want to talk to me anymore.  

What if?

Actual conversation.....

What if our church could build an orphanage?

What if our church could empty one?


Maggie's Hope will be selling items Saturday, November 10th 9:00AM - 3:00 PM @ St. Gregory School/Church

ALL proceeds go to families in our local area adopting.....consider how you can help


There are three ways to do this:
Adopt
Support
Pray

ill-equipped

Throughout this whole adoption thing....I have felt.....how do you say it???......ill-equipped.....

so if you are interested, below is a listing (in order) of my ill-equippness.....(is that a even a word?) ....I digress, here is the list:

1.  i am ill equipped to adopt a child..........a child that needs good parents...I mean like Leave It to Beaver parents.....that's not me.  That's not us!  Not even close!

2.  Paperwork - seriously, I am beyond ill equipped to do all this paperwork.......I don't have the know-how.  I don't know how to make myself sound like I am equipped to do this............How do I let all these adoption 'authorities' know that I can do this?  Can I do this?

3.  Okay, this is getting serious.........we are in the middle of this whole adoption thing..........what the heck am I doing?....I mean, I got two kids who on occassion remind me that I don't do a lot of things right and that I yell way more than I should...........

5.  Holy CRAP!!!!!  we have a child.....a new one...........I get to see her face...........I get to 'meet' her......WHOA NELLY!!!!!  (not the rapper) I can't do this!!!!  What the heck?!?

6.  Okay.....we are going to Ethiopia.......yep, plane tickets bought.............ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!! Have you met me???  I am not third world material.....I am more Gucci on a budget material............................Okay.....seriously, I am ill-equipped!

7.  Yep, I'm here....I'm in Africa............I AM IN FREAKING AFRICA!!!!!!!  Do you know how far away from Kentucky that is????   7576.2 Miles!  For the love of Pete and everything holy.........I haven't even been to Florida!!! I'm not kidding!  Never. Been.To.Florida!!!!!

8.  Well, there she is..........a little girl....a precious lil' girl............when I think of what she may have been through, I can hardly breathe..........how do I do this?  how do I raise her and ensure that I don't mess her up?  How do I make sure that she gets everything she needs?  How do  I make sure that I respect her birth momma?........and love her and do everything in my  power to make sure she knows that we love her......that this is right, that this is what we are supposed to do.  I want her to know that from the very moment I saw her face I knew she was mine......without a doubt, she is mine?  How do  I do this?

9.  I have to leave her?????  What did you just tell me?!?......she can't go home with me?  I met this lil girl....I stood in court in a third world country and I don't get to take her with me!!!!!  Really?!? Okay....I'm a rule follower.....these are the rules.....I can do this....no, I can't.  I am so ill-equipped!!!!

10.  I get to go back!!!!  Oh my gosh, I get to go back!!!!!!  

11. It's time to go back home to Kentucky!!!!!   Oh my gosh, I get to go back!!!!!!  

12.  Picture it.....Ethiopian airport........Me, Eric and this kid......this lil' girl......running around like she may be on crack.....hating every Ethiopian woman that she sees (insert Eric and I smiling politely at every woman and trying really hard to make her kiss and hug them as we leave their country)  AWKWARD is an understatement.....What are we doing?  HOLY CRAP - WHAT ARE WE DOING!!!!!!

14.  We land in the US......Airport bathroom, hair washing............I'm not gonna touch that, but if you heard the story laugh now and realize.....wow!  Fran is WAY ill-equipped!

13.  So this is it.........this is our new normal........three kids - one of them who is learning English....and who talks A LOT!.........wowza..........I am ill-equipped!

Tonight, I sat and looked through pictures of our last trip to Ethiopia...........the one where we she came home with us............I see the difference,  I see the difference in my face.........fear to FEAR!!!!

Please do not mishear me......I am thankful for her.  I love her like she is my own....it's almost comical how since the time we came home I have never looked at her as anything but...........without hesitation, she is my girl. 

but there are moments when I realize just how ill-equipped I am..........I am raising a child that was born by another woman who loved her more than I can imagine.........so much she gave her up for adoption........as the file clearly states............'so she can have a better life than I can provide'.....

my stomach hurts..............

really............our family equals a better life?  If you have seen us in Wal-Mart - you are laughing hysterically right now......

sheesh.......I feel the pressure...............I am SO ill-equipped.........it is devastating!  

But you know what......she calls me momma just like the other two.....she smiles (occassionally) when I come into the room.......she says, 'I lub you' 

my heart melts.......I'm ill-equipped.....

Praise God!  He equips me when I realize without a shadow of a doubt I am the most ill-equipped person for the job!  I am gonna let them down.......I know it, they know it and let's face it, you know it.  I want to be the person that says, 'I got this.'  'I am gonna handle it like nobody's business.'  but let's face it - we all know that I am a big ol' hot mess!!!!  I'm gonna screw it up....every.single.time.

God has purposed us....God has called us - each in individual ways...........some of us are adopting.....some of my friends are in the process......some of us are supporting those that are.....some of us are learning what it all means.....

I want to tell you I am a spiritual giant and say, 'I had faith and trust the whole way.'   

that would be a lie......I questioned..........I was scared.............I still am some days.....................

but I invite you to walk with me as I learn to trust and learn to be fearless for God is with me........

I am still ill-equipped - but how beautiful is that?  I don't have to have the right qualities or abilities....cause HE does!  and He leads me. How beautifully it highlights my inability......(thank goodness something does!)

game changer

three kiddos has been a game changer for me.....

just this week a friend of mine made the statement that she had to run to Walmart.......I was envious and grateful that I could say, 'Hey can you pick me up a loaf of bread and some dry shampoo.'  Cause let's face it you all......I can't go to Walmart or any other store right now....well I can - but you don't want me to.....

I mean seriously, if you are in the store with me - you want me to leave.

This kid that has moved from the other side of the world, into a new family, a completely different life and  has adjusted like nothing I could have ever dreamed of.  I mean really - she is something special.

But it's hard...We have a three year old who is outgoing, who is spunky, who is funny and who loves people - what's so hard about that you might ask...

Well, how about a new being walked through our home doors - and well it isn't a baby that is just laying there who depends on you so the love builds because you simply meet his/her needs......No, this kid walked through the doors telling us what she did and did not like.....It was funny in Ethiopia......in America....stressful.

She is headstrong.  She is stubborn.  She is at times defiant.  Does she need those skills as she goes through life?  without a doubt.  Is it hard to parent?  Oh yeah, baby.

She hates our food.  She likes bananas and spaghetti. Everything else gets a look that says, 'you got to be kidding me.'

She will say no to most everything we ask her to do......but will then do it and surprise us with her openness to the whole situation.....

For example, the dentist.....our dentist just happens to be the most wonderful in the land.  We love Hedgespeth Dentistry!  Maggie had a special friend - (Hi Mia!) who was brave enough to go first in the ol' dental chair.  Mia did so good.....Maggie said 'NO!' the entire time and even shed a few tears and stuck out that bottom lip.......I was sweatin'.  I bowed my head and said a silent prayer that Dr. Lauren would not hate me by the time we left that office.......

Mia finished up, went with Maggie to the treasure chest and then WHIM-BAM-BOOM, before I know it Maggie is in the chair, has opened her alligator mouth and is not only getting her teeth counted and polished but also x-rays!  Who is this kid?

(Ethan came up to me when Maggie was in the chair and said (and I am quoting him here)  'I didn't see this going this good.'

We are getting to know each other and we are starting to really like each other (she may disagree at times).  Love is there.  Love was instant for Eric and I.  Liking takes a minute or two.....but we are getting there, I mean come on....look at this face, how could you not?

How you doin'?

Tell me you didn't just say that like Joey did in Friends?  I knew it - you totally did.  :)

I'm hearing that a lot lately, 'Fran, how are you doing?' of course it is said with concern cause apparently I look like el crapo.  :)  (Also, let me be clear - I am blessed to be surrounded by people who care that I look like crap and maybe a tad bit frazzled. So to those friends, thank you!)

This whole adoption thing has been filled with countless roller coaster rides to the top of the mountain then falling into what feels like a free fall then immediately back up.  Apparently I am beginning to show signs of wear and tear......

We are good.  We are very busy.  We are adjusting well.  To be honest and in the honor of 100% transparency.....It is hard, but not in a bad way.....just a getting to know you, trying to understand you, what the heck do you want kinda way.

Eric and I are both out of vacation time at our jobs....so I took just one extra week off after our arrival home.  He works an odd shift so I would go into my job earlier than normal and then come home right before he left for work.....two weeks of that schedule and a new kid in the house who didn't understand English - hated our food and who has a very strong personality was T-O-U-G-H.

But then Jesus reminded me that He does love me - He loves me enough to let school start back.....can I get a halleujah!  We had debated on whether sending Maggie to school would be a good idea or not....and well..let's just say momma needed her to go to school.  She is doing AMAZING!  She has an amazing teacher who she adores (thanks Ms.Kelly!).  She is now a pro at nap taking, she has already in one week learned a few more words and bed time is easy peasy now!  Ol' girl is WORE OUT!  See I told you Jesus loved me.  :)

Ethan and Reagan are as amazing as ever too. I mean seriously - I don't think it is possible to love those kids any more.  They set such an example of love.  I am inspired by their actions.

On a completely different note - I work at a church - the people that come together in that church are all together amazing!  I also work with some pretty fun characters.....For those of you that know Rodney Lynch  - you know what kind of characters I'm talking about here.....

Rodney has a love of kids that is kinda out of control.  I mean I have honestly seen this grown man roll on the floor playing with kids (if he didn't have the gray hair you might mistake him for a kid).  Well, he and our Maggie have quite a special relationship....in fact her second week here she put together her first sentence - what was it you might ask......

let's start with what it wasn't.....

It wasn't - I love mommy.
It wasn't - I love poppy.
It wasn't - I need to potty.
It wasn't - More water please.

Nope - none of those......

it was..

I WANT RODNEY!!!

I want a redo!!!!  Really, I want Rodney!  (there were witnesses - they heard it too)

Everyday she looks for him.  Everyday she talks about him.....She loves her some Rodney Lynch and well, when you see them together - you really can't help but smile.

Things I am learning....

Okay, we are working on Day 3 (that is counting full days in the good ol' USA) and I just gotta tell you about what we have learned so far.

1.  Don't wave and say 'bye-bye' repeatedly and then walk out the door - it will apparently bring out all kinds of anxiety and stress on a child who has actually had to experience parent loss.  
*so we are clear here - my mom came for a visit and we are using every chance to teach Maggie words and normal stuff.....so we fervently waved and said, 'bye-bye' as my mom was leaving - then Eric and I helped her to the car.....rookie mistake but it wasn't good.

2.  It is hard to figure out and balance - I love you.  I will be here.  We aren't going anywhere AND you have to obey household rules......
*I gotta know if there is a book for this....cause we are lost.

3.  Not being able to speak the language has A LOT of challenges - but it is kinda fun to watch - I mean we are like a constant game of charades.....hilarious!

4.  Sparkle is a universal color for girls.  If it sparkles girls want it - no matter where they are from.

5.  I'm not cut out to stay in the house with no outside communication......Full Day 1 - we went to Eric's parents house.....I need people!

6.  I love and miss my job!  (Kudos to those moms who stay at home - you are my hero!  Don't ever underestimate yourselves......Eric left for work at 1:00PM today and at 3:30 I looked at the calendar and said....'Oh no! It's just MONDAY!'

7.  NEVER underestimate the kindness of people.....if you watch the news and just sit long enough you can be overwhelmed with the cruelty of the world.......Don't buy it.  People are kind.  People will go to great lengths to show kindness.  People are generous.  This world has a lot more love than Dan Rather, Brian 'what's his face' and Katie Couric tell you about.  I promise.  I have seen it.  (Is Dan Rather still a news anchor?)

8.  I'm not as ill-equipped with her hair as I thought I would be, IF you forget about the incident that I had in the airport when we landed in the states......you still need to hear that story - don't you?......I promise next post.  :)

9.  When you add a new smaller kid to the mix - you realize how big the kids who were here first are....and it may throw you in a slight depression...complete with crying and an overwhelming sense of love.  That love is mixed with complete amazement that they are showing signs that you didn't screw them up.....they are good, real good.

10.  I should have done a better job of explaining to the two kids that were here first (and realizing myself) that Maggie hasn't really ever seen or experienced things that we don't think about.....like grocery stores for example.....putting Maggie in a shopping cart wasn't a good experience for her......she has never seen a store with lights much less to be pushed around in a big metal cart.....let's just say it didn't go well.....

So, though there have been moments in these three days of complete confusion, exhaustion and humor we are doing surprisingly well.  I'm trying to take lots of pics in order to get a book together that I will be sending to give to the Birth Mother - no, I wasn't able to have the opportunity to meet her which makes my heart break but I will be sending her a book of pics of our family and how Maggie Hilina is adjusting to her new home as soon as I can.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, your support and words of encouragement, it means so very much

thinkin'

We have all established the simple fact that I am a borderline weirdo, right?  Okay, forget the borderline.....I'm weird.  I know - you know it.

Good, now that we got that clarified.......

Let me start off by saying just how grateful I am to all of you who read this, who support us and who care about what is going on with the adoption process of lil' Maggie.  You have been amazing!  As you have heard me say a bazillion times - there are truly no words, I break down in tears more than I care to admit because of what you all have meant to us throughout this adoption process.

Now our real journey begins, life as a family of five.  I will continue to document some portion of our lives here and I hope that you find pleasure and humor in my complete and total honesty in being inadequate in so many ways - cause let's face it - it's funny.....and you all know I like funny!

I am also experiencing what any new mom does (as I have said before - though different, adoption is so similar to giving birth it is uncanny)  There will be a lot of new moments for me and for us as a family.  I am trying to figure out who this lil' being is, what she likes, what she doesn't like, what she is saying, and how to help my two children that were here before feel confident and loved.....sheesh - we got a little bit goin' on, huh?

With all that said, I want to make one thing very clear to all of us.....We didn't decide to adopt with the intention of being good people with a good heart saving a child.....we did it simply because we felt called by God to do so.....(and I am very open about the fact that I fought Him tooth and nail that He certainly didn't mean us - He meant the people down the street) but alas, He did mean us....

(if you need to read how hard I fought him click here.)

Our decision wasn't based on the fact that we wanted to save a child from poverty, disease, and life without a defender (although our hearts are and continue to be broken by that combined with how very much we have).....our decision was based on our call to serve God who clearly gives direction that we are all called in some way to care for the orphan and widow - this just happened to be our way of doing it.  I can tell you when I looked in her eyes I realized that we are the ones being blessed by her  - not the other way around......

Also, I didn't start a blog to pat myself on the back - in fact if you read it - I think I do more to destroy my reputation than anything.....We did it simply because I want you to see that adoption (although it does have moments of fear and extreme anxiety) isn't impossible for you if you are called.....My goal and desire is that you will see that if your heart is broken and you know that you are open to accepting a child into your home as your own - there is a way and you can do it.....you can.

It's not just for rich folk....in fact Eric and I often joke we are so vocal about it because we are the poorest people we know who did it (come on, I work part-time at a church)......funny, but true. I mean, come on, you see $35,000 and you instantly think - well, I'm out.  You don't have to be - trust, walk in faith and know there are countless ways to fund an adoption and you don't have to pay it all at once....it's a year long + process of payments.

It will cost you in ways that are sometimes more than financial - but that's okay - you won't get out of this without a scratch but trust me when I say - if you are doing God's will, don't you think He is bigger than a measly $35,000 or anything else that comes your way?

Anyway, I just want to make sure that you understand why I wanted and continue to want to blog about our journey.....I don't want it to be about us being great people....but how great our God is,  and how He brought a family together and made us complete in so many ways.

Finally you can look over to the bar on the right - under Adoption Stuff is information about our adoption, the agency we used, breakdown of costs, etc.....(our agency and our agency rep, Lesley Scott are FANTABULOUS! and I would recommend them a million times over).  

then there is a listing of other blogs that we read regularly - check them out - hear and learn from what others have to say......

Anyway, my point is pray about your role in orphan and widow care, talk to others, get educated about the process and the entire journey, examine your heart and then move in some way - it can making a small donation or purchasing something to help a family move forward (which SO many of you did for us).  It can be sponsoring a child. It can be advocating for them.  It doesn't have to be huge....although it can be.

Remember the weird part we talked about at the start of this...just a little more....
anytime you come back home from a third world country it takes a minute to get your bearings and your United States of America 'legs' back (I know this cause I have seen it in others too)......the only thing is you are not sure if you want those 'legs' back after you have seen how others live and realize how FAR removed we are from it - so please extend me a lil' grace right now, if you don't mind.  


I just have to clarify since I get a little sidetracked from time to time.....this post and all of the other posts that I have done is not about The Runner's saving this poor lil' girl....they are and will continue to be about how once your heart and mind have been opened, there is no way you can't share it, not because of who we are, but because of who He is.  

Our first night

The day has finally come and we had all of our babies in the same house........and let me tell me you, it was great.

Maggie (which we are now just calling her - believe it or not she answers better to it than she does Hilina) She did great!  On the 17.5 hour flight from Ethiopia - she slept most of the way and then when we landed in the US she was ready to go!  Girl, is a lil' firecracker.  She talks nonstop and I mean non-stop! If her eyes are open she is talking.


(For those of you at the airport - you didn't get this cause it was 1am her time and she hadn't slept all day - and then crashed on our last flight that was only an hour)


***Later I have to tell you about me darn near getting arrested in the DC airport with her.....funny now - not so funny then.  Don't worry it's fine, lesson learned though - don't try to wash a lil' girl's hair in the sink)  Story will come later....funny stuff!

When we got home she had enough time to wake up and played and played with the kids, it was such an awesome experience!  In fact I caught a glimpse of Reagan pinching herself.  I asked her why she was pinching herself and she said, 'I feel like this is a dream.'  We laughed, played, took a bath and went to bed.....this morning has been much of the same.  A LOT of talking, a lot of playing and a lot of laughing!  Maggie is surprisingly enjoying all of our food.....she keeps saying, 'More, please.' in the cutest Ethiopian voice you have ever heard.

here are a few pics!

We came home to a signs and balloons!  Thanks Whitney Family!
(warning these pics have not been edited and are FAR from perfect!)

I think this was the first time she had ever seen balloons.....she loves them - in fact as I type she is carrying them around jabbering like crazy!

here is a pic of them playing together and rea pinching herself....she is so funny!

And the best part of today was this......

all my babies under one roof!  We are blessed!  

a little PR for some of my fav peeps!

PS outfits where given to us from a friend, Mary Jo Mudd Nally aka The Gift Girl.  Like her on Facebook she has some of the cutest lil' outfits ever!  

PSS hairbow from Christy Newton aka Pink Polka Dot Boutique, in case you need a super cute hairbow!  

  

short and sweet

day two we went to the US Embassy (which is the whole reason we are here)  and waited for about ten minutes - and they say congratulations,, sign here......we do and whim-bam-boom it's final....she is ours even by US standards now!!!  Hooray!

The even better news - no car sickness for lil miss Maggie Hilina on the way to and fro!

Our girl is QUITE the talker....honest to goodness - she doesn't stop.  Ashu our driver laughed and talked to her the whole time.  He told us that she said she loved her family, she loves her mommy and poppy and that she is excited to have a brother and sister.  Also she is excited about coming to America - not so much as excited about taking a plane - she wants to take a big bus to America and can't seem to understand why that isn't possible...since the bus takes you where you need to go.

Here is the funniest part - she realizes that we currently have a communication barrier....she asked Ashu to tell us that she doesn't like rice and that she likes to drink Coke.....good try baby girl, but no.  Ashu laughed so hard when he told us she said that.....its so funny.

Today was a tad bit on the stressful/sad/heartbreaking/stomach hurting day for me.....we went to Birhan Orphanage here and we saw so many children.....this is a real orphanage and one that had kids that were waiting to be adopted....we walked into the room where all the kids where - they were watching a movie.....let me just say - it.broke.my.heart.

the older kids looked at us and as soon as someone looked at one of the toddlers there face went right back to watching tv......they knew they weren't even an option.......I feel confident in saying this because, I tried to take their picture - (the kids love to see themselves and I thought it might get them going)  they had no interest in me.....it was like a light was gone from their eyes.....broke me into pieces.

We are also traveling with a lady and her son (25) - he has a sweet soul (in a very masculine way - don't get mad at me MA)  and he had to walk away.....he just couldn't be in there....it was so tough....

so when we arrived back at the transition house I went out to paint the nannies and nurses fingernails just cause I thought that it could be something nice I do for them......they were so thankful and so excited to have them done.  Then all the kids wanted theirs too and it became a paint everyone's nails party....it was fun!

Then finally today we took a two hour (one way) trip to the Portuguese Bridge somewhere outside of Addis.....far out.....but we saw amazing things....very cool.  so now I'm exhausted and we are going to go to sleep.  Tomorrow is a big day!  We start the two day journey to bring our baby girl home!!!

Here are just a few pics from the last two days

Two more things....cool things we saw today
1.  baboons in the wild
2.  a dead real live cheetah looking thing......(they called it something else) but let me tell you that kitty cat was MEAN looking....even dead I wouldn't get near it.....

funny....I said I was gonna be short and you believed me....when will you all learn :)

miss you all  like crazy!  I can't wait to love on my babies and see you all soon!

just hanging out

It's day two....It's 3:11am EST and here it is 10:11am....I didn't quite realize the last time the complete different time zones we are in.....I want to call you all, I want to tell you everything about Maggie Hilina and about Ethiopia.  This place is so amazing!  I wish I could bottle the smell of our guest house - the cooking is so good (I know shocking, right?)......oh and the weather - I mean tshirt, hoodie and jeans.....it fantastic!  (sorry about you all back home with your 106 degrees with 100% humidity)

I can't wait for you to meet her!  I know I'm gushing but the girl has personality.  One of the couples here said it so well.....she has sassy in everything she does.....her walk, her talk and oh my goodness her facial expressions.  

One of the craziest things I have seen with these kiddos is the fact that they haven't forgotten us....some of the older kids that are still here remembered us (we Ky folks must leave quite an impression)  :)  and most importantly Maggie Hilina did not miss a beat with us.  

Today we took her outside to play with the kids and as soon as we stepped out in the back play area (it is where they kids stay) she pouted.  She pouted whenever the nurses and the nannies talked to her....she definitely wasn't going to have her picture taken with them.....She is so funny and so afraid we are going to leave her.  

We are getting ready to go to our Embassy appt at 1:00 Addis time which is 6 amEST.  So if you are one of my Kentucky peeps reading this - say a prayer.  I like to think it's all downhill from here but truly you just never know.  

I can't wait to show off some pics of Maggie Hilina in her Embassy outfit!  I mean this kid is gonna be cute!  She saw it and held it up to her and can't wait to put it on.  (there is so much mud here that I am afraid to let her put it on until it is time to load up the van.) Oh! another prayer request - they say that most all the kids get car sick real bad (most of them have never rode in a vehicle other than to transport them from the orphanage to here).  So pray that it doesn't happen.  I've got Dramine and peppermint oil to help prevent it - but really - I hate puke!  

I will post some pics later today.  For those of my friends that don't have facebook.....here are a few pics. 

Finally, I could never tell you all how much your love, friendship and support has meant to us.....you helped us along the way financially, you helped us emotionally, you covered us in prayer through this whole journey and even if I got on your nerves with my crazy eyes and pure moments of panic or if it was an emotional moment where I was overwhelmed - you were there....

I am tearing up just thinking about this journey and what you all have meant to our family.  I can't repay you and I'm just not eloquent enough to put it into words.....God has blessed us by you and I am eternally grateful.

Love,
eric and fran

Few things before we take off

1. Louisville airport makes you pay for wifi....lame-o 2. Stayed at fancy shmancy hotel last night that also made you pay for wifi....extra lame-o They had swans and waterfalls but no wifi...dumb! We are getting ready to board shortly for 13.5 hours in the air...I'm nervous I hate this part the most....but I am grateful for amazing friends who love my kids almost as much as I do...I have special people in my life there is no doubt. I could never repay them for what they have done and will do as we venture to Africa...they are the best! Okay...I'm getting mushy, it is so emotional for me every time...I'm drying my eyes.... Thank you all for your continuous love and support.....we are gonna go get our girl! If you see edog and rea out and about please remind them that we love them very, very much and thank my friends for me! Ps Eric just asked me was I planning to bolt on him like I was the last time.....I think he is watching me pretty closely :)

I just don't have enough postage stamps...

to say thank you!

Today was a special day....a day full of surprises...surprise party that is!

If you read my blog or know me at all you know how very much my church family means to me.....I mean seriously, they are my family. They love me in spite of myself.  They laugh at my jokes (bless their hearts).  They pick me up and lift my spirits.  Today they celebrated our upcoming arrival of Maggie Hilina....and boy do these folks know how to celebrate.....

A room full of people I adore.....

The food......oh the food.......so much food - so much yummy food!  

a very pretty cake (thanks Christy Holleran)  FYI - if  you can believe it - it tasted better than it looked :)  (if you want her to make you a cake and you live in Bardstown - click on her name)  

Then there was this table - thank you all for being so kind, generous and welcoming to our baby girl!

I just don't know how to say thank you properly for all that you have done and the support you have given us.  As I said when I gave a little speech - you have adopted me....you took me in, you showed me love, you support me and you are some of my biggest cheerleaders.  I have been blessed beyond measure by all of you.  Thanks for being so much more than a place I go to church on Sunday morning......thanks for being home to me.  

These last two weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions for our family - I mean seriously.  I had someone I love dearly open up to the thought of us adopting.....HUGE, I tell you.  HUGE.  I thought my heart was gonna explode.  

Then coming down from that high - it seems like this week I have focused on the loss that is involved in adoption......I want to focus on the Runners and all that we are being blessed with in bringing our girl home - cause she is our girl......but I have to also realize that there is loss involved.....

loss for the lil' girl that is coming to her forever and ever family.....and loss for the mother that has to go and once again tell her story of why she is relinquishing rights and why she is doing this of her own free will..........and it breaks my heart in two.....

so tomorrow morning at 6am EST if you are up - please say a little prayer for our birth momma.  It will be 1:00 in Addis and she will be sitting in the US Embassy telling her story....again.  

Birth momma

Today we received a little note that said, please review and approve the following documents.  Once you do, they are passed onto the US Embassy for us to get a date to go and do whatever it is that you are supposed to do in order to finalize our adoption.

In those documents was a little bit more information as to who Maggie Hilina's birth momma is.  Let me say this, her story is not mine to tell.  I will not tell it.  That is something for Maggie Hilina to review when the time comes.

I know you all are probably so sick and tired of me and my rants.  I am sick of myself to be honest.  So, one would think I would stop right?

Right.  (If you just said right.......you don't know me at all!) :)

So.........

As I am eagerly reviewing the paperwork trying to soak up every, single morsel of info that they provided......I lay my head down and cry......sob like a lil' ol' baby......

There are many, many reasons for my tears.....but I'm only gonna discuss one with you.....

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with how we live and how others live.....or survive every day and how those people, the ones that are roaming this earth with us, can have the ability to see beyond themselves.  They have hope, they believe that better can be provided and they are willing to allow it to happen.

I know many folks right here that can't see anything beyond their own nose......(and I am saying that while the plank is in my eye as well so don't start sending me hate mail).  Please don't mishear me (or to be correct, misread me) our problems are our problems and they are HUGE because they are OUR PROBLEMS.  I know that and I understand that.

But I'm reading over and over about this woman - who may not have ever had the opportunity to see what lies beyond poverty, hunger and destitution, but she was able to have hope and faith that what lied ahead for the daughter that she gave life to was better than that.......

I have been praying for her. I have prayed that she has heard the Gospel.  I have prayed that she and I will reunite with Maggie Hilina one day.  I have prayed for many things for this woman who I may or may never meet.

I'll be honest, there was a point when the thought of meeting her made me sick, made me want to puke.......

but now the thought of not meeting her does the exact same thing to me.....

She has given a gift of love that my heart can't wrap around and for that I am eternally grateful.   

You are welcome

Here is an updated video from my TN friends (the ones I stalked and watched their journey - but didn't tell them or anyone else that I was).

I know some of you like to keep up with them too - and seriously, how could you not!  Jason and Amanda have some beautiful kiddos!

And because I love you too much not to share with you...Click here for some one of a kind jewelry that goes to help women in Uganda as well as help this family as they move forward in their adoption.  I very briefly met Lindsy at an adoption conference a year ago. (she had the coolest Ethiopian Christmas ornaments).

For Mother's Day, I received a necklace and a pair of earrings, so I can say - it's good stuff and really isn't that the best - buy something for you and help someone else out in the process.....tell her Fran sent you.  :)

Easy to ignore....

I saw this today..... (thanks JT and Natalie)

"Orphans are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes…” – David Platt.


It's so true.

How easy is it to overlook the poor, the meek, the hungry....

When I was little, my daddy always said to me, 'Good things happen to good kids.'  (This was his way of getting us to work in the garden or to do whatever chore he wanted us to do.  If we did it and did it well, the result was a trip to the Cash Variety Store where I got a Yoohoo and a bag of Funyuns).

I heard this my entire childhood.  I believed it wholeheartedly.  In fact, I think it was also my moral compass.....'Good things happen to good people.' 


Then years ago, I had the rug pulled out from under me.....and with said rug pulling - my life was forever changed.  I remember thinkin', 'well that wasn't supposed to happen - good things happen to good people.' 

Right?

Big fat WRONGO!

I think it's easy to get comfortable.  It's easy to look at others and think that they did something to deserve whatever it is that they are going through.....sometimes people do reap what they sow but sometimes it's just what they were given.

These kids are a reminder of that for me.  They didn't do anything - THEY ARE KIDS!

We are blessed beyond measure because many of us don't worry about where our next meal is coming from because we have 3 weeks piled in the fridge, pantry and freezer.  We don't worry about our kids getting a cold, getting diarrhea or a fever because we have doctors that will fit us into their schedule today.  We don't have to worry about where our kids are, because we know - we keep them safe.  We send them to the best schools we can find, we make sure they have their helmets on, we don't let them walk outside without us.......

I was talking with a friend the other day and she said (which I agree) you don't adopt because you want to save a child........Please let me make this very clear, Maggie Hilina will not go in our family history as the kid that we saved....she is our daughter.  We will love her as our daughter.  I promise you - when I looked at her she was MY CHILD.  Nothing else.

However, with that being said, I was moved into action because I saw pictures of kids - I learned their names - there was Micah....there was Macy.  There were also so many good organizations (Compassion International, Project 61 and Ordinary Hero) that posted pictures, that told stories.  I saw my kids in those hungry, scared eyes......I studied what the Bible said about orphan care.  I knew and felt strongly about what I was going to do.

I encourage you to learn their names.  Look into their eyes. They didn't deserve whatever situation they are in.  They are little.  They are alone.  Sometimes they are sick (but with medicine and regular treatment they can live normal, healthy, productive lives).

Yes, I trust with certainty that God has a plan for them.  I know His ways are not mine.

I was given the gift of meeting our daughter and was so abundantly blessed by meeting the kids that I did on our first trip to Ethiopia.....we played with them, we sat with them and we talked to them...   their names are forever etched into my heart.

There are orphans here in the US.  They are in Ethiopia.  They are in China.  They are in Russia.  They are all over this world.  I encourage you to find one, learn his/her name and look into those eyes.  I promise your heart will change forever and be so amazingly blessed by knowing them.

piece of my heart.....

Yep, we left a piece of our heart there.....tonight as I look over all the pictures I took, I realize just how much I miss her.  I knew this would be hard, leaving her....and it is.  I do however, know that she is in very good care with Woudneh and Bete......but it's just not me.  I really, really want to be the one taking care of her.......

Also we were very fortunate to spend our week in Ethiopia with a pretty awesome couple, Anthony and Kerri.  They were sooo ni-ce!  (they are from Pennsylvania so our Kentucky twang and expressions caught them off guard a time or two.)  Miss you guys! 

(this was right before we left for a 17.5 hour flight....I dressed for comfort)

I promised her that not all Kentucky girls mismatch like this outfit portrays.   

HUGE thanks to the Vincent Family for letting us borrow their video camera while we were there.  We were able to capture a lot of moments with our sweet girl.  

here is just us talking to Maggie Hilina a little bit.....she is so sweet.  

(In real life, do I sound like that?  I mean seriously - that is one thick country accent.) 

Apology to my Sunday School Class

After I opened my mouth and spoke a few words to our Sunday School class I completely broke down and cried.....like picture high pitched voice, maybe a snot bubble or two....but I lost it with a few simple words....funny how I do that.  


We had a great class today.  We listened to two people whom I love dearly talk about their recent trip to Nicaragua.  We listened to to what they did, their experiences and how it has affected them.  I was fine - a few times they got me....i would wipe away a few tears but overall...I was good.  I am so happy for them. I am so amazed by the women that they are and their willingness to go when I would be too afraid....


Eric closes the class with one statement regarding the scheduled lesson which was in regards to adoption.  Guess who says....'May I say one thing before we end?'  Yep, me....I didn't see it coming....I didn't think I would cry.  I wasn't even feeling the lump in my throat.  I knew what I wanted to say.  It was short, sweet and to the point.....but true to Fran form.....what comes out is a squeaky whirlwind of emotion on all on these poor, sweet people.  I really have NO idea what I said or why I even said it.  (Just so we are clear - I HATE when I do that - which is more often than I care to admit).


So first I would like to apologize to them.  Not only did I take up your time talking about who knows what - but I didn't even kinda relay what I wanted to.


However in doing that, I finally was able to process a little bit of what I'm feeling.....which is good, right?


Before I start I want you to know that I am NOT trying to be pushy.....and I don't know if adoption is right for you and your family....but I do know that God has laid it on some hearts around me. A lot of people need to see that others can do it, others that are similar to them.  Hey, I had to.  I had to have old college friends be an example and then stalk (via blog) some old friends of mine from Nashville......to see that it was possible.  

I do know that sometimes fear of what people think, fear of the costs, fear of what it will do to our biological children, as well as fear of the unknown prevents us from being what He has called us to be.....(Again, not saying that this is the case with you - that is for you and your spouse to discuss).  

I know that in experiencing what little I have through this process that those fears are valid.   

fear of what people think is one of the hardest for me - I want - I NEED to be loved and supported.  It keeps me going.  But if you consider yourself to be a Christian - it makes you examine where you prioritize people in your life - are they above God?  

fear of the costs scared me to death - you see the total number and well....let's face it - IT'S GINORMOUS!  I still to this day have so many people to say thank you too, people that donated, people that bought cups, shirts, hairbows and whatever else we were selling to help raise money.  I stand in constant amazement of how God moved His people to help us move forward in this process.  Also check out this blog post written about that very thing:  Click Here

fear of what it will do to my biological children (or other adoptive children) is real......however we have to look at what it can do for them....breaking chains of racism/cultural differences or just differences.  Then there is also this lil' thing like showing them how we display God's love through us.  

fear of the unknown - that's a doozy for a me....we are scared.  Most of us, truly hate not knowing what is coming.  This isn't the norm (which is overwhelming since there are millions of people that attend church, who read and study the bible, yet somehow miss the fact that God gives us clear instructions to take care of the fatherless)....this isn't worldly....it is scary....again, it's trusting.   (as I type this to you I laugh at myself....the one thing I truly struggle with is trust.) 

Again, please know I am not forcing this onto you. I don't think (as hard as it is to believe) that everyone should go tomorrow and complete the paperwork necessary to start the process of adopting a child.  I believe without a doubt that there are a lot more people that could.  


But I also need to tell you - at this moment I would do it all again.  Not because the things that I listed aren't painful, and aren't real.....but because once you learn the names and look into the eyes of those that have nothing....They are these little beings that are left in this world to fiend for themselves.  They have no one.  They have nothing and if people who have everything fail to move forward simply because they like being comfortable and don't want to make anyone mad is really heartbreaking.  


I can speak to you as a person who has been there....as one who has asked God for guidance repeatedly simply because I wanted Him to tell me - 'Oh that whole adoption thing....it's not for you. I'm sorry, i was meaning to place it on the woman down the street.'

I wish I was lying to you - but that's the truth.  

I prayed for months, I knew I was called, I knew my heart was broken for children who were suffering, hungry, living in an orphanage all alone before I would finally give in.  And if you want to know exactly what was the straw that really broke the camel's back - click here. 

I prayed not necessarily asking is this something you want me to do....but it was more, 


'Hey God, it's Fran.  I know you put these things in the Bible: 

In you the orphan finds mercy.  Hosea 14:3

You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.    Psalms 10:14,17-18

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.  James 1:27

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.  Psalms 68:5-6

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.  Matthew 18:5

I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!  Matthew 25:40

But can you please just show me that even though I have more than enough, I am blessed with the ability to love and care and you have forgiven me of all my crap.....can you just show me, tell me, whatever you want to do.....that I don't have to adopt a child.'  He never did and how great is that!  Because now, I will soon have a new daughter.  She is beautiful.  She is funny.  She is sassy (already) and without a doubt I know she was made for us.  


I'm not placing my craziness on you. If it wasn't unethical and wrong I would put all the pictures that I took of those orphaned children on here.  Because once you learn their names - and look into their eyes and once you realize that only by God's grace and provision you were born where you were...can you see that all those worries, all those fears, (which are valid and need to examined) aren't as important as that lil' being standing in front of you - ready, wanting and desiring to call you mama and poppy.   

This right here makes it all worth it....

*Please ignore how horrible my hair is here

When in Africa - your blowdryer isn't going to work

and your favorite flat iron will die.....which leads to really, 

really bad hair.  :)  

So I guess I need to apologize to all of you - cause I didn't mean to be this wordy.....BUT the good news is - I didn't cry this time!