Apology to my Sunday School Class

After I opened my mouth and spoke a few words to our Sunday School class I completely broke down and cried.....like picture high pitched voice, maybe a snot bubble or two....but I lost it with a few simple words....funny how I do that.  


We had a great class today.  We listened to two people whom I love dearly talk about their recent trip to Nicaragua.  We listened to to what they did, their experiences and how it has affected them.  I was fine - a few times they got me....i would wipe away a few tears but overall...I was good.  I am so happy for them. I am so amazed by the women that they are and their willingness to go when I would be too afraid....


Eric closes the class with one statement regarding the scheduled lesson which was in regards to adoption.  Guess who says....'May I say one thing before we end?'  Yep, me....I didn't see it coming....I didn't think I would cry.  I wasn't even feeling the lump in my throat.  I knew what I wanted to say.  It was short, sweet and to the point.....but true to Fran form.....what comes out is a squeaky whirlwind of emotion on all on these poor, sweet people.  I really have NO idea what I said or why I even said it.  (Just so we are clear - I HATE when I do that - which is more often than I care to admit).


So first I would like to apologize to them.  Not only did I take up your time talking about who knows what - but I didn't even kinda relay what I wanted to.


However in doing that, I finally was able to process a little bit of what I'm feeling.....which is good, right?


Before I start I want you to know that I am NOT trying to be pushy.....and I don't know if adoption is right for you and your family....but I do know that God has laid it on some hearts around me. A lot of people need to see that others can do it, others that are similar to them.  Hey, I had to.  I had to have old college friends be an example and then stalk (via blog) some old friends of mine from Nashville......to see that it was possible.  

I do know that sometimes fear of what people think, fear of the costs, fear of what it will do to our biological children, as well as fear of the unknown prevents us from being what He has called us to be.....(Again, not saying that this is the case with you - that is for you and your spouse to discuss).  

I know that in experiencing what little I have through this process that those fears are valid.   

fear of what people think is one of the hardest for me - I want - I NEED to be loved and supported.  It keeps me going.  But if you consider yourself to be a Christian - it makes you examine where you prioritize people in your life - are they above God?  

fear of the costs scared me to death - you see the total number and well....let's face it - IT'S GINORMOUS!  I still to this day have so many people to say thank you too, people that donated, people that bought cups, shirts, hairbows and whatever else we were selling to help raise money.  I stand in constant amazement of how God moved His people to help us move forward in this process.  Also check out this blog post written about that very thing:  Click Here

fear of what it will do to my biological children (or other adoptive children) is real......however we have to look at what it can do for them....breaking chains of racism/cultural differences or just differences.  Then there is also this lil' thing like showing them how we display God's love through us.  

fear of the unknown - that's a doozy for a me....we are scared.  Most of us, truly hate not knowing what is coming.  This isn't the norm (which is overwhelming since there are millions of people that attend church, who read and study the bible, yet somehow miss the fact that God gives us clear instructions to take care of the fatherless)....this isn't worldly....it is scary....again, it's trusting.   (as I type this to you I laugh at myself....the one thing I truly struggle with is trust.) 

Again, please know I am not forcing this onto you. I don't think (as hard as it is to believe) that everyone should go tomorrow and complete the paperwork necessary to start the process of adopting a child.  I believe without a doubt that there are a lot more people that could.  


But I also need to tell you - at this moment I would do it all again.  Not because the things that I listed aren't painful, and aren't real.....but because once you learn the names and look into the eyes of those that have nothing....They are these little beings that are left in this world to fiend for themselves.  They have no one.  They have nothing and if people who have everything fail to move forward simply because they like being comfortable and don't want to make anyone mad is really heartbreaking.  


I can speak to you as a person who has been there....as one who has asked God for guidance repeatedly simply because I wanted Him to tell me - 'Oh that whole adoption thing....it's not for you. I'm sorry, i was meaning to place it on the woman down the street.'

I wish I was lying to you - but that's the truth.  

I prayed for months, I knew I was called, I knew my heart was broken for children who were suffering, hungry, living in an orphanage all alone before I would finally give in.  And if you want to know exactly what was the straw that really broke the camel's back - click here. 

I prayed not necessarily asking is this something you want me to do....but it was more, 


'Hey God, it's Fran.  I know you put these things in the Bible: 

In you the orphan finds mercy.  Hosea 14:3

You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.    Psalms 10:14,17-18

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.  James 1:27

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.  Psalms 68:5-6

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.  Matthew 18:5

I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!  Matthew 25:40

But can you please just show me that even though I have more than enough, I am blessed with the ability to love and care and you have forgiven me of all my crap.....can you just show me, tell me, whatever you want to do.....that I don't have to adopt a child.'  He never did and how great is that!  Because now, I will soon have a new daughter.  She is beautiful.  She is funny.  She is sassy (already) and without a doubt I know she was made for us.  


I'm not placing my craziness on you. If it wasn't unethical and wrong I would put all the pictures that I took of those orphaned children on here.  Because once you learn their names - and look into their eyes and once you realize that only by God's grace and provision you were born where you were...can you see that all those worries, all those fears, (which are valid and need to examined) aren't as important as that lil' being standing in front of you - ready, wanting and desiring to call you mama and poppy.   

This right here makes it all worth it....

*Please ignore how horrible my hair is here

When in Africa - your blowdryer isn't going to work

and your favorite flat iron will die.....which leads to really, 

really bad hair.  :)  

So I guess I need to apologize to all of you - cause I didn't mean to be this wordy.....BUT the good news is - I didn't cry this time!