Sunday, May 20, 2012

Apology to my Sunday School Class

After I opened my mouth and spoke a few words to our Sunday School class I completely broke down and picture high pitched voice, maybe a snot bubble or two....but I lost it with a few simple words....funny how I do that.  

We had a great class today.  We listened to two people whom I love dearly talk about their recent trip to Nicaragua.  We listened to to what they did, their experiences and how it has affected them.  I was fine - a few times they got me....i would wipe away a few tears but overall...I was good.  I am so happy for them. I am so amazed by the women that they are and their willingness to go when I would be too afraid....

Eric closes the class with one statement regarding the scheduled lesson which was in regards to adoption.  Guess who says....'May I say one thing before we end?'  Yep, me....I didn't see it coming....I didn't think I would cry.  I wasn't even feeling the lump in my throat.  I knew what I wanted to say.  It was short, sweet and to the point.....but true to Fran form.....what comes out is a squeaky whirlwind of emotion on all on these poor, sweet people.  I really have NO idea what I said or why I even said it.  (Just so we are clear - I HATE when I do that - which is more often than I care to admit).

So first I would like to apologize to them.  Not only did I take up your time talking about who knows what - but I didn't even kinda relay what I wanted to.

However in doing that, I finally was able to process a little bit of what I'm feeling.....which is good, right?

Before I start I want you to know that I am NOT trying to be pushy.....and I don't know if adoption is right for you and your family....but I do know that God has laid it on some hearts around me. A lot of people need to see that others can do it, others that are similar to them.  Hey, I had to.  I had to have old college friends be an example and then stalk (via blog) some old friends of mine from see that it was possible.  

I do know that sometimes fear of what people think, fear of the costs, fear of what it will do to our biological children, as well as fear of the unknown prevents us from being what He has called us to be.....(Again, not saying that this is the case with you - that is for you and your spouse to discuss).  

I know that in experiencing what little I have through this process that those fears are valid.   

fear of what people think is one of the hardest for me - I want - I NEED to be loved and supported.  It keeps me going.  But if you consider yourself to be a Christian - it makes you examine where you prioritize people in your life - are they above God?  

fear of the costs scared me to death - you see the total number and well....let's face it - IT'S GINORMOUS!  I still to this day have so many people to say thank you too, people that donated, people that bought cups, shirts, hairbows and whatever else we were selling to help raise money.  I stand in constant amazement of how God moved His people to help us move forward in this process.  Also check out this blog post written about that very thing:  Click Here

fear of what it will do to my biological children (or other adoptive children) is real......however we have to look at what it can do for them....breaking chains of racism/cultural differences or just differences.  Then there is also this lil' thing like showing them how we display God's love through us.  

fear of the unknown - that's a doozy for a me....we are scared.  Most of us, truly hate not knowing what is coming.  This isn't the norm (which is overwhelming since there are millions of people that attend church, who read and study the bible, yet somehow miss the fact that God gives us clear instructions to take care of the fatherless)....this isn't is scary....again, it's trusting.   (as I type this to you I laugh at myself....the one thing I truly struggle with is trust.) 

Again, please know I am not forcing this onto you. I don't think (as hard as it is to believe) that everyone should go tomorrow and complete the paperwork necessary to start the process of adopting a child.  I believe without a doubt that there are a lot more people that could.  

But I also need to tell you - at this moment I would do it all again.  Not because the things that I listed aren't painful, and aren't real.....but because once you learn the names and look into the eyes of those that have nothing....They are these little beings that are left in this world to fiend for themselves.  They have no one.  They have nothing and if people who have everything fail to move forward simply because they like being comfortable and don't want to make anyone mad is really heartbreaking.  

I can speak to you as a person who has been one who has asked God for guidance repeatedly simply because I wanted Him to tell me - 'Oh that whole adoption's not for you. I'm sorry, i was meaning to place it on the woman down the street.'

I wish I was lying to you - but that's the truth.  

I prayed for months, I knew I was called, I knew my heart was broken for children who were suffering, hungry, living in an orphanage all alone before I would finally give in.  And if you want to know exactly what was the straw that really broke the camel's back - click here. 

I prayed not necessarily asking is this something you want me to do....but it was more, 

'Hey God, it's Fran.  I know you put these things in the Bible: 
In you the orphan finds mercy.  Hosea 14:3
You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.    Psalms 10:14,17-18
Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.  James 1:27
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.  Psalms 68:5-6
And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.  Matthew 18:5
I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!  Matthew 25:40
But can you please just show me that even though I have more than enough, I am blessed with the ability to love and care and you have forgiven me of all my crap.....can you just show me, tell me, whatever you want to do.....that I don't have to adopt a child.'  He never did and how great is that!  Because now, I will soon have a new daughter.  She is beautiful.  She is funny.  She is sassy (already) and without a doubt I know she was made for us.  

I'm not placing my craziness on you. If it wasn't unethical and wrong I would put all the pictures that I took of those orphaned children on here.  Because once you learn their names - and look into their eyes and once you realize that only by God's grace and provision you were born where you were...can you see that all those worries, all those fears, (which are valid and need to examined) aren't as important as that lil' being standing in front of you - ready, wanting and desiring to call you mama and poppy.   
This right here makes it all worth it....

*Please ignore how horrible my hair is here
When in Africa - your blowdryer isn't going to work
and your favorite flat iron will die.....which leads to really, 
really bad hair.  :)  

So I guess I need to apologize to all of you - cause I didn't mean to be this wordy.....BUT the good news is - I didn't cry this time!  


  1. But I did cry! What a blessing!!!!!!! Oh you have no idea what your blogs or your family has done in my heart............She & YOU are Beautiful!

  2. I didn't mind you crying this morning at all--I just didn't want you to make ME cry, but you did!!! :) You are touching so many people and affecting so many lives, even if you aren't seeing it right away. Trust me--you and Eric have already touched my heart and made me think a lot about the choices I'm making with my life. Keep blogging--I love to hear everything. And I will keep praying for your family and Maggie Hilina. :)

  3. Great post friend!!! By you adopting, you do not know how many people will me. Can't wait to see you soon

  4. I'm jealous that I wasn't there to hear everything. Is that wrong of me? :-) I already miss you guys and it's only been a few weeks apart. :-( But, I also know that God is working in our Sunday School classes, so I can just keep up to pace on your blog and with everyone else through fellowship at church. Love you guys!

  5. How I would have love to hear those words God spoke through you in that Sunday School Class.. Love me some Fran Miss your face and continuing to pray for Maggie's safe journey into your arms..:) Love ya The Downs Family

  6. Oh, my! I had to laugh as I started to read this! This sounds like me in Sunday School about six weeks ago. All I was going to do was ask for prayer regarding our adoption and some tough choices we were making, but WOW...I lost it! :) I never do that -- just the emotion of everything was more than I could deal with.

    I admire you and Eric for coming to this conclusion about adoption on your own. I can honestly say that if Tim and I hadn't dealt with infertility, I don't know that we would have stepped out of our comfort zone to adopt. Now that we're out of that box, it makes perfect sense. But I don't know that I would have been as wise as you if having a baby the traditional way had happened for me.

    Every one of our adoptions have come with hard decisions, but only hard because of the selfish part of me. I've had to learn the hard way in all three that my will isn't always His will. Being obedient isn't always easy.

    As we contemplated this current adoption, every time I wanted to follow my desires rather than His, two verses spoke to me -- Matthew 25:40 that you mentioned above and Proverbs 24:12. I don't know what version this is, but I like the wording. It says, "Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know and holds us responsible to act." Powerful stuff -- hard to ignore.

    You're right, adoption isn't for everyone...but finding obedience in the specific direction God calls us is. Thanks for being a shining example of that! We are so proud of you all and excited to share in this journey with you!

    Love, Michelle

  7. Fran, she is beautiful! I know your heart is bursting with pride. I hope it won't be very long before you can go and bring her home! As far as your biological children are concerned, how can they NOT feel such love for their new sister. You and your husband have set the example for them. It may be a little hard for them at first, just as the older siblings feel left out when there is a new baby in the house. But things soon settle down and they are proud to be the big brother or sister.You have done a beautiful thing and I'm sure God is a very proud Papa as he observes what his children are doing! May God make your way smooth and without many of the bumps in the road that all parents must endure. I am so proud of you for listening to the gentle whisper in your ear!

  8. Why do you feel the need to apologize?? Saying what God has laid upon your heart is nothing to be ashamed of. :-) I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, you and our Sunday school class. I already feel so connected to everyone in some strange way and it seemed to happen almost immediately. You and Eric are inspiring so many--including my family-to dig deeper, pray harder, and really seek out what His plan is for our family. When you passed around those pictures in class, I found myself falling in love as well...wanting to go there and love on them, and I honestly got a glimpse of what the Mudd family might look like if we decided to take that next step. I liked what I glimpsed. :)Thank you, sweet, sweet Fran, for just being you and being faithful to our loving God. Love, Rebecca