piece of my heart.....

Yep, we left a piece of our heart there.....tonight as I look over all the pictures I took, I realize just how much I miss her.  I knew this would be hard, leaving her....and it is.  I do however, know that she is in very good care with Woudneh and Bete......but it's just not me.  I really, really want to be the one taking care of her.......

Also we were very fortunate to spend our week in Ethiopia with a pretty awesome couple, Anthony and Kerri.  They were sooo ni-ce!  (they are from Pennsylvania so our Kentucky twang and expressions caught them off guard a time or two.)  Miss you guys! 

(this was right before we left for a 17.5 hour flight....I dressed for comfort)

I promised her that not all Kentucky girls mismatch like this outfit portrays.   

HUGE thanks to the Vincent Family for letting us borrow their video camera while we were there.  We were able to capture a lot of moments with our sweet girl.  

here is just us talking to Maggie Hilina a little bit.....she is so sweet.  

(In real life, do I sound like that?  I mean seriously - that is one thick country accent.) 

Apology to my Sunday School Class

After I opened my mouth and spoke a few words to our Sunday School class I completely broke down and cried.....like picture high pitched voice, maybe a snot bubble or two....but I lost it with a few simple words....funny how I do that.  


We had a great class today.  We listened to two people whom I love dearly talk about their recent trip to Nicaragua.  We listened to to what they did, their experiences and how it has affected them.  I was fine - a few times they got me....i would wipe away a few tears but overall...I was good.  I am so happy for them. I am so amazed by the women that they are and their willingness to go when I would be too afraid....


Eric closes the class with one statement regarding the scheduled lesson which was in regards to adoption.  Guess who says....'May I say one thing before we end?'  Yep, me....I didn't see it coming....I didn't think I would cry.  I wasn't even feeling the lump in my throat.  I knew what I wanted to say.  It was short, sweet and to the point.....but true to Fran form.....what comes out is a squeaky whirlwind of emotion on all on these poor, sweet people.  I really have NO idea what I said or why I even said it.  (Just so we are clear - I HATE when I do that - which is more often than I care to admit).


So first I would like to apologize to them.  Not only did I take up your time talking about who knows what - but I didn't even kinda relay what I wanted to.


However in doing that, I finally was able to process a little bit of what I'm feeling.....which is good, right?


Before I start I want you to know that I am NOT trying to be pushy.....and I don't know if adoption is right for you and your family....but I do know that God has laid it on some hearts around me. A lot of people need to see that others can do it, others that are similar to them.  Hey, I had to.  I had to have old college friends be an example and then stalk (via blog) some old friends of mine from Nashville......to see that it was possible.  

I do know that sometimes fear of what people think, fear of the costs, fear of what it will do to our biological children, as well as fear of the unknown prevents us from being what He has called us to be.....(Again, not saying that this is the case with you - that is for you and your spouse to discuss).  

I know that in experiencing what little I have through this process that those fears are valid.   

fear of what people think is one of the hardest for me - I want - I NEED to be loved and supported.  It keeps me going.  But if you consider yourself to be a Christian - it makes you examine where you prioritize people in your life - are they above God?  

fear of the costs scared me to death - you see the total number and well....let's face it - IT'S GINORMOUS!  I still to this day have so many people to say thank you too, people that donated, people that bought cups, shirts, hairbows and whatever else we were selling to help raise money.  I stand in constant amazement of how God moved His people to help us move forward in this process.  Also check out this blog post written about that very thing:  Click Here

fear of what it will do to my biological children (or other adoptive children) is real......however we have to look at what it can do for them....breaking chains of racism/cultural differences or just differences.  Then there is also this lil' thing like showing them how we display God's love through us.  

fear of the unknown - that's a doozy for a me....we are scared.  Most of us, truly hate not knowing what is coming.  This isn't the norm (which is overwhelming since there are millions of people that attend church, who read and study the bible, yet somehow miss the fact that God gives us clear instructions to take care of the fatherless)....this isn't worldly....it is scary....again, it's trusting.   (as I type this to you I laugh at myself....the one thing I truly struggle with is trust.) 

Again, please know I am not forcing this onto you. I don't think (as hard as it is to believe) that everyone should go tomorrow and complete the paperwork necessary to start the process of adopting a child.  I believe without a doubt that there are a lot more people that could.  


But I also need to tell you - at this moment I would do it all again.  Not because the things that I listed aren't painful, and aren't real.....but because once you learn the names and look into the eyes of those that have nothing....They are these little beings that are left in this world to fiend for themselves.  They have no one.  They have nothing and if people who have everything fail to move forward simply because they like being comfortable and don't want to make anyone mad is really heartbreaking.  


I can speak to you as a person who has been there....as one who has asked God for guidance repeatedly simply because I wanted Him to tell me - 'Oh that whole adoption thing....it's not for you. I'm sorry, i was meaning to place it on the woman down the street.'

I wish I was lying to you - but that's the truth.  

I prayed for months, I knew I was called, I knew my heart was broken for children who were suffering, hungry, living in an orphanage all alone before I would finally give in.  And if you want to know exactly what was the straw that really broke the camel's back - click here. 

I prayed not necessarily asking is this something you want me to do....but it was more, 


'Hey God, it's Fran.  I know you put these things in the Bible: 

In you the orphan finds mercy.  Hosea 14:3

You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.    Psalms 10:14,17-18

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.  James 1:27

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.  Psalms 68:5-6

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.  Matthew 18:5

I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!  Matthew 25:40

But can you please just show me that even though I have more than enough, I am blessed with the ability to love and care and you have forgiven me of all my crap.....can you just show me, tell me, whatever you want to do.....that I don't have to adopt a child.'  He never did and how great is that!  Because now, I will soon have a new daughter.  She is beautiful.  She is funny.  She is sassy (already) and without a doubt I know she was made for us.  


I'm not placing my craziness on you. If it wasn't unethical and wrong I would put all the pictures that I took of those orphaned children on here.  Because once you learn their names - and look into their eyes and once you realize that only by God's grace and provision you were born where you were...can you see that all those worries, all those fears, (which are valid and need to examined) aren't as important as that lil' being standing in front of you - ready, wanting and desiring to call you mama and poppy.   

This right here makes it all worth it....

*Please ignore how horrible my hair is here

When in Africa - your blowdryer isn't going to work

and your favorite flat iron will die.....which leads to really, 

really bad hair.  :)  

So I guess I need to apologize to all of you - cause I didn't mean to be this wordy.....BUT the good news is - I didn't cry this time!  

Still in the middle of processing it all....

I am surrounded by amazing friends and family who want to hear all about our trip; to be honest, I have been so sick since landing on Wednesday night that I haven't felt very good.  It's not anything that I got from my trip....My body feels like it is in constant motion - I mean, I haven't flown since Wednesday and I am still taking Dramine......it's so weird.  I'm starting to feel better - thank goodness!

I am still processing it all and trying to figure out the best way to relay to you everything that I saw in a way that doesn't make me sound like a rambling, crazy, idiot....you know - not like the normal Fran.  I want to be very articulate.  :)

If you had the opportunity to talk to me prior to last Thursday......you had a laugh or two at my expense....I so want to be like, I was cool, I was good......but I wasn't.  Poor Mikila, Carol, Judy, Christy and Paula got the worst of it......I mean they kinda saw me in a new way....sheer panic and terror was a cloak that I was wearing (and I was wearing it WELL).  I felt like we needed a sign up on my desk that said,

'Please don't feed the crazy person.

Don't look at her.  

Don't smile and for the love of everything.....DON'T ASK HER HOW SHE IS DOING!'

I can't wait to share with you how God perfectly orchestrated my hind-end sitting on a plane on it's way across the world completely at ease.......I remember looking up and whispering....'That's impressive.'

It involved many angels that were sent and my friends who covered me in prayer.  (I'm telling you my church family is something BEYOND special) they not only bless me everyday, but they covered me in prayer and they are so, so amazing!

Seriously though, repeatedly we were reminded that this wasn't us doing it.....by far!  Many people appeared out of what seemed like no where to help us or to guide us or just to give us a little information about what they knew or had saw in Africa.

Then there was an instant of me being super stalker.....kinda awkward, but again God's funny.  There is a couple from Louisville adopting...I have read their blog a few times and Eric had met the hubby JT before we even started our adoption journey....Guess who I see in Washington's airport....yep the Hendersons!  They are returning from their first trip to meet their second son.  They have already adopted once from Ethiopia (so I consider them pros).

I think once they got over the shock of some random chick yelling their names in the airport - we became instant friends.  Not only are they wonderful and nice - but I truly believe they are the reason that I got on the plane (prior to that I was planning how I was gonna bolt).  (Again recall the moment where I reminded God (in case He forgot) that He was indeed impressive).

Then we landed in Ethiopia, drove to the Transition Guest House and met our daughter.  We literally set our bags down and this beautiful couple, Kerri and Anthony were there with their newest daughter (her story coming later) and they kindly let us know of what was going to happen.....here is how it went.

Kerri:  'They are going to bring your child in just a bit.'
Anthony:  'If you have a video camera or camera I will take pics for you.'

I immediately reached into my bag to give them all of the above and we turned around and there she was.....our precious new girl.  She was nervous at first (hands in her mouth).  The nanny let her know that we were her mama and daddy.  She smiled, gave me a shy hug and then it was on!  We began to play.  We played with a truck (none other than Tow Mater himself) - rolling it back and forth.

It has amazed me.  I know I have said it before but it is so similar to the same thing that I have gone through with my two biological children.  I was just as exhausted as I was the day  I met Ethan and Reagan and I was just as lost as what to do with them......but true to Runner form - we figured it out. We played dolls, we played kitchen, and we colored.  I knew instantly that this little girl was created to be a part of our family.  The love was overwhelming.

As I said in my earlier posts....we bonded easily, quickly and amazingly.  It was the one of my toughest balancing acts for Eric and I.....loving her, bonding with her but yet respecting that it will be hard for her to understand the moment we are gone.  I made the comment that white folk come in and out of this transition house all the time, once we are gone she will likely forget....Ms Bete, (OUR AMAZING tour guide and wife to the Director) told me very point blank...'they never forget their mommy and daddy.'

During our lil' time in Ethiopia - I saw more poverty than my heart could have dreamed.  I saw things that took my breath away.  I saw babies wondering the streets with no one to call mommy or daddy.......There are so many....I mean, so, so many.

So before I tell you more about my trip and this post becomes a short novel I will leave you with some pics.....

Ahhh, praise God for so many blessings....

Diet Coke is one  

the backyard to the transition home - 

clothes were washed and hung everyday.

They don't let it pile up like I do!  :)

the view from the play area 

view from our balcony

Just a few more of Hilina - cause come on!  this kid is cute! 

just some street shots

Just like home sweet home....someone's cow got out.

This man was carrying so many water cans tied perfectly together on 

his back.....they might not be heavy but it can't be easy going 

through all those people - (I thought a backpack in the airport was bad enough)

I will leave you with this for now.....again remember, I'm still processing it all.  

I don't think you can leave an area like this and not be completely affected and changed.....so I want to be thoughtful and respectful in every way in what I say....more to come.  

day two

Oh my goodness!  I wish I could tell you all everything in a few simple words but there is no way.......

We woke up early this morning (around 7am Ethiopian time - which is midnight in ol' Ky)  we showered, got dress and headed downstairs to just hang out and see what was going on.....

One thing about Ethiopia is the chanting....apparently this orphanage/transition home is right behind a mosque....though at first it was unique and an experience later turned into a non-stop annoyance....

We ate breakfast, then decided to walk around and true to Fran form take alot of pics of the building and just general surroundings.

About fifteen minutes some kids starting waking up and coming out of their room....We were playing with some of the kids and then came Maggie Hilina - she was honest to goodness running full force at us!  It was the sweetest thing.  We have really bonded so well together, it has been amazing!  We played with bubbles, played soccer (although some of the older boys were questioning our abilities).

It came time for us to go with Woudneh (who is our AMAZING guide and director of the transition home)  and Maggie melted down....heart-wrenching.  Woudneh is concerned that she is too attached....which I get cause we have to leave her for a few months and that is hard.....she has already suffered through loss and I don't want us to put a place in her heart of hurt - only love.  The items we have given her she carries around and won't share them with others (I think she is telling them - 'get your own' in Amharic)

So Woudneh took us an a few other adoptive families out to lunch at the Sheraton Hotel (totally Americanized) and then on a shopping trip (totally NOT Americanized) Let me say this.....I have never seen poor like this.  I mean NEVER!

We learned on our trip here that if a baby is abandoned and is over 2 years of age.....the police don't take them to an orphange because they are old enough to survive on their own..........OLD ENOUGH TO SURVIVE ON THEIR OWN! Their is a structured system to the street kids - it starts out if you are two years old - four year olds take care of you - six year olds take care of the four year olds, etc, etc.

There are no words for that.  To be honest - even though this is a super nice orphanage - I see it here.  There are few older boys and girls - I have seen them rush to the aid of a crying child, they dust them off, they talk to them, they hold them, they are the comforter......I almost lost it today while witnessing it.  A beautiful lil' girl was so excited to catch the bubbles we brought and were blowing with them that she stepped right off the lil step and fell.....instantly the 7 year old lil' boy named 'David' ran to her and sat with her consoling her.....'David' is so much older than his years. I've learned that he has been in orphan care for years and praise God will have a family soon.....

I've caught myself more than once thinking - I could bring them all home, fortunately the children here with us are blessed - they are waiting for their families to come and get them.

Today I witnessed the street kids - beautiful children - with nothing - covered in dirt, begging for anything at all.  We made the mistake of while in our car being surrounded by begging children to hand out some crackers - let's just say NEVER do that.  We learned a tough lesson today.  Nothing happened and we are fine - they are a very sweet and polite people - they are also very desperate people.  There were so many starving babies......I looked directly with a beautiful child who was so empty and so vacant it honestly broke my heart.

I know that I will be forever changed after this.  I knew that.  I wish I could tell you how much.  It's true that it is easy to ignore orphans until you know their name.....and over the past few days I have met so many children, learned their names, played with them and experienced their instant love.

Well, I have rambled enough for now........I am killing time - I was really hoping that we would get to see Hilina again, but they are eating dinner and in a few short minutes she will be going to bed for the night......(they really are worried about how quickly we have bonded and how she has attached)  Which is a good thing but I don't know if we can prepare our hearts for leaving......

Last thing - thank you for all the prayers - I have been at ease - really truly at ease since arriving. I truly have you all to thank for that.  This has been such a blessing....so much I don't even want to weasel my way out of the second trip - I am eager to have it done and us on our way home.  I will be able to share pics after Monday's court - please pray that all goes well and I don't say anything stupid....you know me the more nervous I am - the funnier I TRY to be (but fail miserably) :)

We made it!!!!

I'm going to be very short and sweet while we are here....

Thank you for all the prayers, my anxiety about being here has all eased since arriving.  Of course this is day one and I am going on just a nap within 24 hours.

Maggie Hilina is BEAUTIFUL and within a few short minutes of meeting us - we played, laughed and even got a hug and kiss!  She really is precious and has already brought us so much joy!  We are also blessed with an amazing family from Pittsburgh who took pictures and video of us meeting!  This is their second trip, so they kinda know the ropes and have shared so much with us already.

Maggie Hilina is in bed asleep already so we don't get to see her again until tomorrow morning.....

I CANNOT wait for you all to meet her!  I don't think she is going to miss a beat as a Runner.  She talks constantly (of course we have no idea what she is saying), she loves dresses, and sparkly things.

One more thing - her and Eric are super big pals, he went upstairs to our room and she was quite upset that he had left.  It's funny how you meet this lil' being from the other side of the world and instantly fall in love.  God is so, so good!

Again, I will update if possible.  Much love!  Thanks for all the prayers.  

good googly moogly!

Friday afternoon......I'm workin'...mindin' my business.....

phone rings.

Lesley Scott.....(our adoption rep).  'Hey, sit down' she says....

'Are we going to Ethiopia?' I ask...

'oh yeah, you are. How about next week.'

And so it started.....within two hours after our first conversation we had travel arrangements and tickets TO ETHIOPIA!!!!

Good googly moogly.....tonight has me researching the internet trying to find what to pack, what to do special for Ethan and Reagan, what to do special for Maggie Hilina......

My mind is in super-duper overdrive!

I can't seem to turn it off.

I mean we are going to meet our daughter! Seriously.....how do you do that?  What do I say?  What gifts do I take her?

I am wonderfully blessed to be surrounded by an amazing church family who have asked me - what can we do to help?  The only thing I know to do is to ask for you to pray.

Pray for a hedge of protection around the kids and us as we travel.
Pray for our family to have peace.  (trying to keep my anxiety in check)
Pray for my kiddos who other than a few overnight stays with grandparents - have never been without momma and daddy close.
Pray for some of my dear, dear friends who have volunteered to take on the challenge of adding two lil' ones to their home for the week.
Pray for Maggie Hilina to receive Eric and I in a positive way.
Pray for our health and safety.
Pray that we pass court with no problems and no delays.
Pray that we have internet service.

...The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16 ESV

Now on other note, I adore Ordinary Hero and saw this....thought I would share with you.

Kindness of strangers

Today was such an amazing day....it was a gift really....given to me by two, complete and perfect strangers.

I have some friends (shout out to Scott and Dwayne) from church who work with a nice gentleman (Keith) who with his wife (Lisa) are in the process of adopting two lil' babies from Ethiopia.  (Yes, you read that right....2 babies).  Dwayne has been on me forever about calling them......and in true Fran form.....I failed.

(PLEASE NOTE:  If I fail to return a call, call you, or reach out to you in some way....I'm not mean, it's not that I don't want to talk to you.....I have problems.  It's not you - it's me.)

Well during that time, Keith reached out to me to get permission to take pictures if the opportunity presented itself of our lil' Maggie Hilina.  I sent a big ol' OF COURSE to him immediately.  Two weeks later they were on their way to Ethiopia (in fact as I am writing this they are still there).

These two people whom I have never met have reached out to me, sent me emails and found our Maggie Hilina.  I MEAN THAT IS SO NICE!!!!  (seriously ya'all....they found the orphanage she is at, and took themselves, their two new babies, loaded up and spent 30 minutes with our baby, just so I could see her).  You don't get much nicer than that!

Today, while getting my hair did.....I received pictures of my newest baby girl.  She is so sweet.  One picture has her smiling, the sweetest smile!  One picture seems to reveal a little sassiness!  I love that!  I think Reagan and her are going to get along just fine.  Thus far every picture I have of her she is wearing a dress and jewelry of some form - again - her and Rea are gonna be A-OK!

Lisa, sent me an email via Facebook that I just received that gave me the size of clothes (3/4T) she was wearing and information like:

- she warmed up to them (i'm assuming fairly quickly since they only got to spend 30 minutes with her)

 - they gave her chocolate chips and she loved them!!!!  PRAISE THE LORD! This kid is going to make a great Runner!!!!  I am so excited!

My heart is bursting!  I'm telling you, I can even breathe easy at the thought of going all the way around the world to meet her and bring her home.  The first time I saw her picture with the referral - it was like the first ultrasound you have when you are pregnant.  Crazy, excitement, millions of thoughts buzzing through your head all while your mind is trying to wrap your brain around....'yep, that kid is gonna live with me.'

Today was the second ultrasound.......I'm calmer, I kinda know what to expect, I've established that this kid is gonna come home with me but I still have the same emotions of  'look at this......this is ours.  This is us.  This is our new family and it is good.  Very, very good.'  The best part is my worry seemed to vanish.  (I know it will return - that's how momma's are) BUT we are gonna make it as a family.  We are gonna be okay.    

That smile of hers.....let me tell you people.....that smile is going to melt a few more hearts, I just know it!