Well, last week we got our monthly update on the waiting list for our baby girl......
What's that.....12????? What????
Seriously big ol' BOO!!!!!!
so after a week of pouting.....which I have done - don't worry though, you wouldn't know that I was pouting, I generally keep it to myself. And.....you are welcome for that....can you imagine if I pouted outloud? Let me tell you - it ain't pretty people.
Those who know me know that I am somewhat of an outgoing personality....I try to reel myself in but it's REALLY hard. However, I do have a very quiet, reflective side. (how many people just fell over?)
but it's true, I do. So this past week I reflected on things ALOT. What I remembered is:
1. No one told me this was going to be easy
2. No one said, "Hey, Fran this is all in your timing and what you want."
and what I learned is....
1. I REALLY want things to be easy! Seriously, I want it to be REALLY, REALLY easy.....(I know - you would've thought I could have at least have learned that one by now.)
2. I want it to be my timing! Why can't it be my timing!!! Come on God....I know you got her picked out for us. I know that the child that is meant to be in our family is in the world......CAN'T YOU JUST MAKE HER COME HOME!!!! It makes perfect sense to me.....it makes perfect sense to everyone around me.....What is taking so long???
As I go through this.....our pastor continues to get on my nerves - cause what does he preach on?.....
*Side note: (our pastor's name is James - so it's funny - James on James (okay, maybe just funny to me but I giggle internally everytime he says, "So what James is trying to tell us is....")
We have spent three weeks in Chapter 1....and what does he spend time talking about? How in faith, in those times where we don't understand God's plan instead of losing faith and blaming God as if He somehow messed this up - it is simply resting in....God, I don't see Your plan here.....but help me see it.
Wow....really.....it's that simple?
There are moments where I don't see it God. I don't see why we don't have her picture. I don't understand why we aren't on our way back home with her figuring out our new world together as a family of five. But help me see.......
There may be things that Maggie is experiencing that will be developing her into who she is supposed to be. There may be things that Eric and I are experiencing or waiting to experience to give us a capability or the skill to handle a situation that we may have otherwise not have known.....Ethan and Reagan may be growing and learning things......Who knows? God knows. And I will trust and I will rest in that, hard as it is, cause I would much rather have this whole adoption thing behind us and be a family......just sayin'.
**Side note #2 - He did preach on the whole orphan and widow thing this week - thought to myself before he started, "I got this one." Don't you know he had to go all Karate Kid and throw a punch in there I wasn't seeing....let's just leave it that he challenged me. I'm good with helping orphans....I'm good with helping widows....but really those needy folk in between......really? If you are interested, check it out here.....://vimeo.com/35134462http
(PS he doesn't give me any kickbacks for referring anyone to view his sermons) :)